Deep in the hearts and minds of people dwells a desire to find their true Soul mate. Unfortunately, people are looking outside themselves for another person. However, the truth is our “Soul mate” is not a person- it’s our core essence. This essence is known as the Soul, and it knows our true being and journey through life. Our Soul is intimately involved in every dynamic of our existence from coming in to leaving and moving along to the next level.
The wise elders that have walked the path before us have suggested we gain knowledge and understanding of our Soul connection. By gaining and applying this knowledge we can live our life more fully and richly, thus advancing up the ladder of higher consciousness.
In this edition of soulful insights my goals are: 1) To aide you on your quest to cultivate and enhance your “Soulful” relationship. 2) To inspire you to be strong and unafraid to hear your Soul’s truth and be truthful with your reply.
How to deepen your soul mate relationship
I will share insights on: the mental, physical, emotional and sexual aspects of relationships. In doing so I aim to introduce you to a dynamic that is often left out of the discussions of relationship, one that is also a universal fact of life…The Soul.
The insights and understandings that I present to you are from an interaction I had with my Soul in 1998, during the dissolving process of my 14-year relationship.
By reviewing your relationships through a new perspective you can open your mind, and heart to new ways to create meaningful and soulful relationships.
Relationship: The Human Perspective
When relationship is the focus of conversation, the following topics are up: 1) Personality/Mental, 2) Physical, 3) Emotional, and 4) Sexual.
When people talk about personality they are usually referring to a combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinctive character. Our mental component has been well studied and documented from various psychological points of view.
However, personality, from a spiritual perspective, is said to be our concrete, or mental mind, which gives us the power of discrimination.
We all know what physical attraction is. When we express or discuss our attraction or non-attraction to a person we’ve met or looked at, what we are doing is using our mental mind along with our biological/hormonal influence. If the experience is felt to be positive then a pursuit is possible. If the experience is felt as neutral or discordant then no action is taken and the mind moves on.
When we talk about emotions from the human perspective we are usually describing the mental expressions exhibited by the person. However, from a spiritual perspective, we’re dealing with what we call the “Emotional Body.” The emotional body is the aspect of our self that has the capacity to sense, desire, aspire and attract. Some people may refer to the emotional body as the “Energy Body,” because it gives us the power to act and be energetic. The emotional or energetic body is also controlled/influenced by the other two bodies: Mental, and Physical. The emotional body is said to function like a magnet, attracting the energy that you are subconsciously familiar and comfortable with.
Why? Because of how your body-mind was wired in the womb and in your earliest years of life. Psychiatrist and hypnotherapist Dr. Milton Erickson call’s this wiring “state dependent learning”: the state the mind and body are in when learning.
Sex. The maker—or breaker—of relationships, has deep roots and tendrils to examine in working with its influence in, and on our relationships. When the body produces hormones that wake up the sex drive, our mind begins to awaken with sexual thoughts, desires or fantasies. Along with the hormonal awakening, we also become aware of sexual information from the outside. How this information is digested, interpreted, and applied is key to a healthy sexual life.
The sexual energetic, like the mental mind, is also shaped and influenced by our family pattern. However, there is another silent influence that we create based on our mind’s inner dynamics. In 1995
Dr. Jack Morin, a psychologist and sex therapist, did a ground breaking, in-depth study of more than 1000 provocative confessional stories to develop an “erotic equation: “attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement.” He suggests that sexual obstacles in one’s youth create lifelong scripts.
Discussing physiological, psychological and sexual dimensions can bring forth valuable insight and lead to self-improvement. However there is a silent and powerful dynamic influencing these layers at our core essence, and intimately involved in our relationships, is our Soul.
When our relationship ends, several opportunities are open to us: we can engage sadness and anger we can become bitter, cold and shut down; or we can review and see what we’ve learned or didn’t learn.
I chose to take the learning path.
The first emotion I wanted to understand and heal was “never again will I engage in a relationship.” I asked my Soul: What is the true reason for relationships? My Soul’s answer: Beloved, contrary to human programming, relationships are about balance of opposites in both heart and mind. This is the challenge of challenges that will always, in all ways, keep you on your toes. (Hmm…. maybe that’s why nature wouldn’t let me be a reclusive monk in a cave.)
My second question was: I desire to know what is my inner secret dynamic that effects my outward relationship cycle, and a solution for healing? To learn the ‘secret dynamic’ you are invited to review the relationship between your personality “you” and your soul essence “ I”. How have “you” treated “I”?
I ignored “I” at times because of my limited state of awareness, the feeling of having been abandoned to die in this miserable place, and the attitude that I had all the answers and was in charge of may life. I didn’t really value the presence of “I” within my heart and actions in my life.
Have “you” shut ” I” through passive aggressive acts? Yes I answered sheepishly. Have “you” demanded everything your way from “I?” Yes, I answered sheepishly, again. Have “you” really listened, and taken to heart what “I” had to offer? No. I acted as if I was listening to what “I” had to say, however, inside I really didn’t believe “I” and had no intention to do what “I” suggested– unless of course, my life was endangered.
By examining this dynamic Beloved, ultimately you will see that the secret outward relationship dynamic is, in truth, a reflection of personality-Soul dynamics, shrouded in illusion of dysfunctional belief system and experience.
The ultimate solution resides in Soul-personality healing that leads to concrete flow and understanding of Oneness in the physical body, in daily living.
Beloved, everything external, including the personality is impermanent. Only “I”, your Soul, is permanent and hold’s the continuum of experience of life. This is where to focus- Soul in the body. Then you will truly be “a Soul Man!
My answers to my Soul’s questions were gut wrenchingly honest. I acknowledged that I didn’t always give my Soul my 100%. I admitted that I did act passive-aggressive towards my Soul by ignoring its signals, probes or suggestions. Yes, I did want things my way. Yes I neglected to really listen or take what my Soul gave me into the fullness of my heart. My ego shrank so small that I could crawl underneath an ant.
My Soul lifted me out of my self-judgment by giving me a solution and an action to take to correct my thinking and behavior. It also told me the spiritual facts/truth, where to focus moving forward and what my results would be if I followed the course with 100% trust.
At the beginning of this blog, I stated that relationships are a fact of life. And you can’t get around them no matter how hard you try.
My Soul’s shared the true purpose of relationships: Beloved, contrary to human programming, relationships are about balance of opposites in both heart and mind. This is the challenge of challenges that will always, in all ways, keep you on your toes.
It also shared a suggestion for how to enhance your Soul relationship: look into your secret dynamic that effects your outward relationship cycle. It shared a solution for healing: review the relationship between your personality “you” and your soul essence “I.” My Soul also explained the solution and the benefit that comes from this process: The ultimate solution resides in “Soul-personality” healing that leads to concrete flow and understanding of Oneness in the physical body, in daily living. Remember Beloved, everything external, including the personality, is impermanent. Only “I” the Soul, hold the continuum of experience of life. This is where to focus– Soul in the body. Then you will truly be “a Soul Man!” (Or Soul Woman!)
If you’re a Perceptive Awareness Technique ® or Integrated Awareness © graduate, and or have taken Connie Newton’s webinars: Changing Inner Dialog Procedure©, or the Forgiveness & Chronic Pain Release Technique©, I encourage you to employ these modalities to enhance your progress. If you are not familiar with these procedures but have an interest in learning them, I invite you to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be happy arrange a time to share information with you via Skype, Face Time, or phone, for free.
So until next time keep your Light strong. Communicate with your Soul. Listen to its wisdom. Hold tight to its hand. It’s your ultimate relationship.
If you like to read more about this subject here are a few suggestion
Dr. Milton Hyland Erickson, website: https://www.erickson-foundation.org/biography/
Dr. Jack Morin, psychologist and sex therapist, book: The Erotic Mind Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment.
Harville Hendrix books: Getting the Love you Want and Keeping the Love you Find